From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
A Tale of Two Presidents
The "Mission Accomplished" President---May 1, 2003:
"Speaking as a woman, and listening to the women who called into my radio show, seeing President Bush get out of that plane, carrying his helmet, he is a real man."This moment from Bush's carrier speech under a "Mission Accomplished" banner nine years ago is one of the larger steaming piles of crap he left in his wake that day:
"The battle of Iraq is one victory in a war on terror that began on September the 11, 2001 and still goes on. That terrible morning, 19 evil men---the shock troops of a hateful ideology---gave America and the civilized world a glimpse of their ambitions. They imagined, in the words of one terrorist, that September the 11th would be the 'beginning of the end of America.'"Wow…who knew that Saddam Hussein had his tentacles in the attacks of 9/11? Nobody did. Because he didn't. Four months later Bush was forced to admit:
"We have no evidence that Saddam Hussein was involved in the [sic] September the eleventh."Not that it seemed to matter to him who did what to whom. In early 2002 Bush shrugged over Osama's whereabouts:
Who knows if he’s hiding in some cave or not. We haven’t heard from him in a long time. … I don’t know where he is. I really just don’t spend that much time on him, to be honest with you.Osama remained a free man, until we elected...
The MISSION EFFIN' ACCOMPLISHED President---May 1, 2011:
"Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that killed Osama bin Laden, the leader of al Qaeda, and a terrorist who’s responsible for the murder of thousands of innocent men, women, and children. [S]hortly after taking office, I directed Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, to make the killing or capture of bin Laden the top priority of our war against al Qaeda, even as we continued our broader efforts to disrupt, dismantle, and defeat his network."In addition to deep-sixing the modern-day personification of evil, we also got our hands on a goldmine of data that could make a Wikileaks dump look like a fifth-grade book report:
The assault force of Navy SEALs snatched a trove of computer drives and disks during their weekend raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound, yielding what a U.S. official called “the mother lode of intelligence.”And porn. Let's not forget the terror mastermind's porn stash. Dude loved his Juggs.
The "Mission Accomplished" President, by the way, heard about bin Laden's demise at the hands of the MISSION EFFIN' ACCOMPLISHED President while he was eating soufflé. Not that there's anything wrong with that. And lest this gem fall through the cracks of history, C&J reposts our favorite cable news teaser from May 2, courtesy of MSNBC anchor Contessa Brewer:
"We saw a lot of celebrating crowds Sunday night. I'm going to talk to Dr. Phil about what sparked that jubilation."Ironically, the only people who didn’t already know the answer were people living in caves.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Note: We have our location for the C&J dinner during the Netroots Nation convention in Providence: Union Station Brewery & Ale House. We drove down Friday and met with the owner and chef, who seem quite nice. After trying the food (grasshoppers: crunchy!) and making them sign a loyalty pledge, marriage pledge, global warming pledge, chastity pledge, immigration pledge and "we brew really good beer" pledge, we agreed to let them host us. Seating will be limited. More details soon.
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the 2012 Summer Olympic Games in London: 87
Days 'til International Tuba Day: 3
Percent of immigrants applying for U.S. citizenship who pass the 10-question citizenship test, on average: 93%
Percent of natural-born Americans who passed it in a telephone poll: 65%
(Source: USA Today)
Increase in "chinplants" between 2010 and 2011, more than boob jobs, lipo and Botox combined: 71%
Age of Jack Balestreri, believed to be the last of the Golden Gate Bridge builders, when he died last week: 95
Number of Os that form the "GG" at the end of Google's newest online prank, "Zerg rush": 86
Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
I find it suspicious that all the famous people dying lately do so mostly in Commiefornia: Dick Clark, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Steve Bridges the comic who made fun of Obama, Andrew Breitbart and even Mike Wallace. And a reminder the Coroner is elected. Wonder what Party holds the office? Read about communists – eliminating icons of society is something they do…they are the new saviors, they want people to forget the past.All together now: 1…2…3… Classy!
---Commenter Brian at the Breitbart blog
(More hilarity via Tbogg)
Puppy Pic of the Day: Ouch.
CHEERS to May. The month of flowers, Mom's Day, Buddha's birthday, Armed Forces Day, Victoria Day, "End of the Middle Ages" Day (May 29—for Republicans it's a day of mourning), Cinco de Something or other, and I hear there's an important election in North Carolina in 7 days. Memorial Day kicks off summer. A new Men in Black flick opens in 24 days. Plus: this is the first month of the year we may actually make it through without the furnace kicking in. Oh, almost forgot: don’t miss the Daily Kos contributing editors as they dance around the Maypole later this morning. Give 'em a wide berth, though---if one of 'em loses their grip they can take ya down like bowling pins.
CHEERS to strategically idle hands. Happy International Workers’ Day! Or, as it's more popularly known this year, End-of-Hibernation for the Occupy movement. Protesters will be out marching by the gajillions today in over 100 cities including NYC. If you can't actually skip work in protest, organizers say that whatever you can do over the course of your day to "disrupt the status quo" would be splendid. Today I'll attempt to work from the other side of the couch. Wish me luck.
JEERS to my Alma Mater. Yeah, I graduated from Otterbein University (Class of '86) in the lovely dry town of Westerville, Ohio. Yeah, they invited Mitt Romney to speak there last week. Yeah, he said something stupid:
Romney campaigned… at Otterbein College---a school that benefited from the passage of the 2009 American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, commonly known as the stimulus. … Ignoring that fact, though, Romney proceeded to attack the stimulus in his speech to students.And then, yeah, he said something stupider:
If you’re young and you want to start your own business, Mitt Romney’s has some advice from you: Borrow money from your parents. At a “lecture” for students at Otterbein University in Ohio today, Mitt Romney told students that, his friend, Jimmy John, started a business by borrowing $20,000 from his parents at a low interest rate. Romney suggested anyone in the audience could do the same.These days it'd be pretty easy: Mom and Dad can have the dog take the check downstairs to the basement where Junior will be crashing on an air mattress because Republicans destroyed the economy and our employment situation. I hope the kid figures out why it's made of rubber before he tries to cash it.
CHEERS to a memorable growth spurt. On May 1, 1931, the Empire State Building was dedicated. It was the tallest building in the pleasant village of New York until 1972, when the World Trade Center rose above it. It regained its "tallest" status in the worst possible way 28 years later. But as of today, it once again plays second fiddle to the new World Trade Center. There, there, Empire State---King Kong always liked you best.
HA HA!!! to making sure that crazy lightning doesn't strike twice. A couple years ago the teabaggers swarmed the Maine Republican State Committee meeting and passed a party platform larded up with planks based on daffy right-wing conspiracy theories. The entire world laughed at them. This year, the party leadership is moving heaven and earth to make sure it doesn’t happen again. But, of course, their new platform still contain a touch of paranoia and cruelty to keep the tinfoil-hat gang kinda sorta placated:
It…still contains planks that some may see as controversial, such as: "Protect the American legal system from Sharia (Islamic) Law." … [Planks added this year include] A call to discontinue state funding of Family Planning of Maine and Planned Parenthood of Northern New England [and] support for a law that would require photo identification to vote in Maine.If you have the stomach for it, you can read the draft here. They'll vote for it next weekend in a convention hall. Packets of freeze-dried beans and franks will be served afterword in a bunker.
CHEERS to iron horses. Happy birthday to Amtrak, which turns turns 41 today. Be sure to wave to the conductor as he roars by while you're sitting in traffic.
Five years ago in C&J: May 1, 2007
JEERS to the Jergen's Lotion Gaffe of the Day. Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad is in hot water after he kissed one of his childhood teachers on the hand. He'd forgotten the crucial step of cutting it off first.
And just one more…
CHEERS to the eggheads who walk among us. The 2012 National Science Bowl---billed as the "only science competition in the United States sponsored by a federal agency"---is over, and I'm happy to report there were no major explosions or, according to a statement released by the Polk administration, accidental time warps. Congratulations to Lexington High School in Massachusetts:
The championship team has won a trip to Alaska to study marine and avian biology, glaciers and geology. The team includes Senior Captain Julia Leung, Junior Captain Alan Zhou, Jonathan Tidor, Matthew Arbesfeld and Zaroug Jaleel. Coaches are Nicholas Gould, Ryan Grams and Kelly Kilts, all physics teachers at LHS. It's the fifth straight year and seventh out of the past 10 that the Lexington High School Science Bowl team has competed at the National Science Bowl.Thankfully Congressman Paul Ryan had to cancel his appearance at the Science Bowl at the last minute, thus sparing everyone a demonstration of his own little experiment: holding up his budget and making the Science Bowl disappear.
Have a happy May Day. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
The event itself comes with the equally attention-seeking---not to mention long---title: “Preceded by a tour of Cheers and Jeers by Bill in Portland Maine 6-8pm (the writer will be naked. Those who wish to join the tour must also be naked. Adults only).”